This have been such a long year. The shortest and longer year I've passed. I've been in hell so many times, but felt happiness like I can't believe exists. I've been into sadness and into madness and thought I couldn't go on and then something I've grownth from it and I found my calm and peace again. Still madness visits me once in a while, like at 1a.m on a insomne night, when thoughts replace the days worries and you have time to think. I lost a lot of fears and gained a lot of power by facing these monsters and starting new with new atitude, with new me. I missed the old me a few times and still do sometimes, like at 1 a.m on a insomne night. I've known succes and I've known deception. I've been disapointed more times and in more aspects of my life that I thought I could handle, but I'm handling, I'm learning to fight, both metaforically and literally. Everytime I think I've grown to adult life I learn I have some more to learn from life. She caresses me and gives soft kisses, but she also beats me in the face and stomach so I don't forget anything. Insanity and sanity so many times, loneliness and companionship. Found that friendship is different for each person. Found that shit will happen being you good or bad, but it's better to live as you want, as long as you're in peace with yourself. Found that you've learned that before, but forgot, and life reminds you, of course. Found that sometimes in the middle of the mess you can find yourself again and even when the mess comes back, like when it's 1 a.m on an insomne night, you might think straight and just go to bed with a book.

Then comes that fear and all I want is your arms around me, now, in that minute. Forget the rest.

Aí tem umas coisas que vejo que me trazem imediatamente à mente que tenho que admitir que o danado do velhinho e a minha pseudo ciência favorita tem razão. Bom, pelo menos em parte. O importante está no não dito. E é no não dito que residem tantos dos problemas e mágoas que vão se acumulando no interdito. Se acumulam na garganta e parecem que vão penetrando em todo o seu ser e quando você se dá conta já é tanta coisa que não dá mais pra expor sem destruir seu edifício, você-edifício, e derrubar vigas e concreto de verdades, mentiras duras em quem estiver no caminho. Atravessar o não dito e dizer, dizer com todas as palavras e esperar que o outro entenda, te entenda, é o que dá medo. Um medo enorme, as vezes disfarçado de orgulho, de apenas dizer e se encontrar desarmado, sem nenhuma das camadas de palavras acumuladas que te escondem, escondem quem você é e o que você sente. Só mostrar você, você mesmo, com todas as inseguranças reveladas, os defeitos e até algumas qualidades que você nem sabia ter ou ser.